A Most Gracious Gift

 Today was Mother's Day, and this day always gets me in my feels more than any other. 

The scars left on my heart from the years we yearned for children and begged God to grow our family will never go away. They may not ache daily like they used to, but they will remain with me always. 

I can't help but think of how hard Mother's Day was for me and how hard it is for so many others. I will never forget how heavy my empty arms felt.

That feeling of hopelessness and the dark cloud that seemed to hang over us always made permanent marks on my heart. I will always remember the babies we didn't get to bring home. 

But God. His care, love, goodness, and faithfulness never waivered. 

His strength and comfort were there exactly when we needed it the most. 

He never let us be overtaken in the storm,

and He never failed to comfort our hearts. 

His love is a balm when we are weary, and His mercies are new every morning. 

He blessed us with abundantly more than we could have imagined. 

Being a mother is one of the greatest privileges of my life. 

The perspective we have because of the struggles we have endured is such a gift.

And even on days when I feel weary, overstimulated, frustrated, and just DONE, I try to always remember that I'm living what I prayed for. 

What a beautiful and gracious gift!

Then and Now

Y'all . . . we had a wonderful graduation weekend with my niece, Kaylee, and now we are traveling east across Tennessee to Gatlinburg for vacation. Whoo-hoo! I know I didn't sound very confident in my last post that everything was going to work out, but thankfully it did. I did do laundry all night, but I got it taken care of so I could relax and enjoy the weekend and our trip. 

Yesterday was Mother's Day, and even though we celebrated last week knowing we'd be out of town for the actual day, I made sure to get a photo with my four amazing blessings. There is an incredible tree in my brother's backyard that I always enjoy when we're there, so that's where we took the photo yesterday.

Brianna, Brooke, Brecklyn, and Brenson with Momma

That photo reminded me of a photo we had taken back in 2017 when we were in town for JT's high school graduation. Y'all know I love a good comparison pic, so of course I had to put them side-by-side.

2017 vs 2023

It's crazy how quickly children grow! Speaking of that, I made another collage of photos. This one is of Brenson and Isaac, who have a lot in common and thoroughly enjoy each other whenever we visit Tennessee. They are such cute guys, but growing so very fast!

There's nothing quite like a comparison pic to put me straight into my feels! 

Celebrating Motherhood

Mother's Day always leaves me feeling reflective and melancholy. In interest of full disclosure, most years I just feel like skipping it. It just seems to be one holiday that no matter how much time has passed - no matter how much distance I seemingly have from infertility and miscarriage - it brings all those tough emotions right to the surface for me. 

That, of course, is not to say that I'm not grateful beyond words for the blessing of celebrating the day with my babies and my own amazing mother. I am. But I've learned that things can be simultaneously beautiful and difficult, wonderful and heavy, clear and murky. And for me, Mother's Day is all of those things.

This year, we are planning to be out of town for Mother's Day (t-minus 12 hours until we leave . . . eeep!), so Chris decided to recognize and celebrate Mother's Day a week early. We began by taking photos of me with each of the children for my Mother's Day Book. 

Momma and Brianna

Momma and Brenson

Momma and Brooke

Momma and Brecklyn

The kids had already written in and decorated my book for me, so I got to read that next. The book is *by far* my favorite Mother's Day gift to receive each year, and I just cherish it so much. 

Finally, I opened a few gifts. Chris got me two new hiking sticks that I'll *hopefully* be able to use on our upcoming trip. We have some great hikes planned!

Another gift this year was an order for 12 Mixtiles to put in our entryway. I have been thinking about displaying some photos of our travels for a while, and I am SO excited for this! I'm going to wait to order until after our trip.

Thank you, Lord, for the blessing of being a mother. May I never forget that I'm living the life I used to pray so hard for!

Changed

Motherhood changed everything about me. 

It made me softer but stronger.

It made life more chaotic but more fulfilled.

It made me more determined to be able to enjoy the little moments.

It has taken away my time, 

but given me time well spent. 

And for that, I am thankful.

Happy Mother's Day, everyone. I hope and pray this day has been kind to you 💗.

On Being Mom . . .

mom noun  informal

1. finder of all the things

2. family gift buyer

3. family vacation planner

4. biggest cheerleader

5. fiercest defender

6. dispenser of unconditional love

I'm so grateful for the title "Mom"!

On Being a Momma

It was my lifelong dream . . . 

. . . to be a Momma. 

I wished for it, I prayed for it, I hoped for it. 

I waited and I anticipated.

I imagined and I yearned.

I wondered if it would ever, ever come.

And then, it did.

And somehow, it's more beautiful,

more splendid,

more remarkable,

 more delightful,

and more captivating than I ever thought it could be.

Happy Mother's Day to all the women out there who have children in their arms, in their hearts, and in their hopes! May this day bring more joy than sorrow no matter what season you find yourself in.

💜💙💜💗