My Space Blogs

Several years ago, before I began this blog, I would blog some on My Space. Recently, I shut down my My Space account, but I wanted to be sure and keep those early blogs. Those blogs were almost exclusively about infertility, as I was just beginning to talk about my journey openly with others.

Anyway, so before I shut down my account, I saved those blogs. I have now published them on this site (at the very beginning, in chronological order) so I would have them. They are labeled My Space Blogs if you are interested in reading them... which I know you probably aren't, but I wanted to put this out there just in case.

Also, I've recently gotten a few new followers on this blog. WELCOME!!! Thank you for reading about my journey. It has been exciting, therapeutic, and wonderful to share it with you!

Reunited... and it feels so good!

Tea and I are officially reunited today!!! I. AM. SO. EXCITED!!! This is definitely the highlight of my week so far.

Other news...Chris and I had our follow-up appointment with Dr. P this past Monday. I found out that I am severely anemic and insulin resistant. He put me on a prescription vitamin for the anemia, and on a medication called Metformin for the insulin resistance. He also put me on a specific diet to help with that as well.

From what Dr. P was saying and from what I've read, insulin resistance comes hand-in-hand with PCOS...they kind of feed off of each other. Dr. P also warned me that the Metformin would probably make me pretty sick for about 2 weeks until my body adjusts to it. After our appointment, I went home and googled Metformin (the worst idea ever by the way) and read all these nightmarish stories about women who are on the drug and spent the first 2 weeks in the bathroom vomiting and other "icky" things like that... then I got totally freaked out and almost made myself sick worrying about being sick! BUT, so far I have been very blessed and have only had some bouts of nausea here and there, and although I have definitely felt like I was going to lose my lunch, I haven't actually thrown up. I am praying that it stays that way...
I also found out that I'll be having surgery in March...more details about that later.

Dr. P was very positive about all of this...he kept telling me how much better I'll in feel in general after we get all these things fixed up. I wasn't aware that I was feeling all that bad right now, but I'll take it!!! AND, he is optimistic about us being able to conceive later on this year...I am feeling like I have hope for that again...and it feels SO good!

Cold Turkey... AHHHHHH!

So at the beginning of 2008, I was instructed by my doc that I needed to cut WAY BACK on my caffeine consumption. Since I would drink and average of 120 ounces of iced tea a day, this was not an easy task. However, I was doing great, drinking de-caf tea and saving about $2.00 a day by not going to Sonic every day. AND the most important thing, I was still getting my "tea fix" (even though it was de-caf...bleh).

Then, last week, I somehow acquired a Urinary Track Infection. My doc banned me from drinking anything but water and cranberry juice (bleh!) for TWO WEEKS!!! This was not at all a problem since I just lightly laughed and said "yeah but I can have tea too, right?" And do you know what my doctor said??? SHE SAID NO! NO TEA! AHHHHH! I had to quit my tea habit COLD TURKEY! It's been a week since I've had tea and oh how I miss it! Just thinking about it now is making my mouth water...

Tea, we'll be reunited soon...until then, I'll miss you sorely.

Big Day Update!

Here is the update on my doctor's appointment with my new Reproductive Endocrynologist (fertility doc) last week. Chris and I went in, talked with Dr. P for a while, and he immediately thought that I have a condition called PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome), meaning that my ovaries don't function properly because they are covered in cysts. I have been tested for this in the past by my old doc, but the tests came back "inconclusive". However, Dr. P decided to do an ultrasound, which did reveal that I have PCOS. Both ovaries are covered in cysts, but the right one is especially bad. Dr. P was very positive that there are many treatment options available for this condition, but to find the cause of it requires more bloodwork (14 different tests to be exact). I was scheduled to have the bloodwork done last Wednesday, but ended up with a Urinary Track Infection instead. That meant I had to take antibiotics to clear up the infection, and I can't have the bloodwork done until the meds are out of my system. We are currently scheduled to go back to Dr. P next Monday for a follow-up to find out what the blood tests revealed (if anything), but since I haven't had the blood tests done yet, we are post-poning that appointment.

All in all, Chris and I are feeling okay with everything. Yes, my ovaries looked bad, but there are treatment options available, so that is encouraging. It's just hard waiting to find out what the next step needs to be.

Big Day!

Tomorrow is a big day for Chris and me...it is our initial consultation with our new fertility doctor, Dr. P. We are anxious and excited and nervous and scared all at once. We solicit your prayers for a good visit tomorrow, for the doctors to be able to give us answers quickly and as painlessly as possible, and for strength and faith in this trying time. I'll post later this week with an update on how things went!

Blue

So today I'm having one of those days when I just can't seem to snap myself out of feeling down about things. Actually, this mood has been trying to surface for about a week now, but I keep pushing it away. Work has been slow and I think that it's giving me too much time to think and dwell on things that are out of my control. Somedays it's just so hard for me to swallow what seems like everyone around me having babies and getting pregnant. I have high school classmates, co-workers, college friends, family members, casual aquaintences, etc...all having babies or enjoying their beautiful children.

It makes me question so many things.

I think more than anything I am scared that it will never happen for me. What if I never have the family that I so desperately want and already love? What if I never get to experience being pregnant? Why does it come so easily for so many people, but not me? I'm trying so hard to be patient and to be happy with where I am today in my life....to not waste away the precious time that God is blessing me with...to remember that God is in control and that I MUST trust Him...to know that in the end things will work out exactly the way they are meant to...to remember that I am blessed so far beyond what I deserve...to know that God is an Awesome God and He is in control...

But today...today I am struggling.

Because of Infertility...

I was surfing the net today and came across a document called "Because of Infertility..." I decided to make my own list of ways that infertility affects me. For those of my friends that are also suffering with this struggle, I hope this helps you as much as it did me!

Because of Infertility...

I become stronger every day.

I am more open and detailed with my doctor.

I sometimes feel angry and jealous of friends/relatives that get pregnant easily.

Baby showers are sometimes very hard for me.

I am more careful about the things I say to people and the questions that I ask them...you never know the private pain someone may be feeling.

I feel biologically defected and flawed.

My faith in God is stronger and I'm learning to trust Him more.

I avoid certain aisles in the stores.

I have a lot of private pain that I try to cope with and cover up.

I will never complain about being pregnant...even if I'm sick every day.

I grieve for a child that I've never had but already love.

I cry over little silly things.

I know my body VERY well.

Sex isn't always spontaneous and fun...sometimes it has to be planned.

I've lost a lot of privacy.

I strive to see God's blessings in little things and appreciate what I am given.

I know more about pregnancy and conception than many women who have given birth!

My husband and I have freedoms that we might not have if we were parents.

I wonder if my mother lied to me that having sex will get you pregnant!!!

I am gaining strength every day to begin treatments again!