That would be kidney stooones.

When you read the title, you have to say it in your head like they do on Friends in the episode where Joey has kidney stones: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3ITjqLSAZY

My poor husband had a kidney stone once after we were first married (about 8 years ago), but hasn't had any since... until last week.

He had been having some back pain during Thanksgiving break, but thought it was from not sleeping in his own bed. Chris doesn't normally have back pain bad enough to take pain medication for, but we really didn't think much about it.

Then, last Tuesday morning, he woke up in pretty severe pain that kept getting worse and worse. The pain eventually got so bad that he started throwing up from it. I wanted to take him to the hospital even though we were pretty sure it was a kidney stone because he was so sick he was scaring me. He was vomitting and falling all over the floor and literally writhing in pain.

He, however, just wanted to go to Urgent Care, so that's where we started (once he finally settled down enough to make it to the car). At Urgent Care, they gave him a shot for the pain and some meds for the nasuea, and pretty much immediately diagnosed him with kidney stones. They tried to give him an IV but he was so dehydrated from vomitting that they couldn't get it in either arm. This whole time, I'm sitting there all masked up because I wanted to minimize my exposure to all the nasty germy people also visiting Urgent Care. Then, they sent us to the hospital.

At the hospital, they did an ultrasound (Chris's first!) to see how major the kidney stone(s) were and to make sure his kidneys were still functioning. It was a little odd for him to be getting the ultrasound while I sat next to him in the chair. At one point, the nurse left the room and I told Chris to hand me to wand so we could peek at the baby, but the nurse came back before he had a chance :-).

Chris was finally sent home with a strainer to wait for the stone to pass. However, after the doctor looked at the Ultrasound results, he determined that the stone was too big to pass and that Chris would have to go in to have it blasted. He set up a referral for Chris to see a Urologist to get everything arranged.

That was all a week ago.

Today, the kidney stone FINALLY passed on its own! Hooray! We were a little stressed about another potentially expensive medical procedure (it's been a rough year for us with all the medical bills). Chris will still see the Urologist, but hopefully there are no more stones and he can rest easy for a while.

Kidney stones... would never recommend them :-)

Thankful.

This post was really meant for the week of Thanksgiving, but I didn't get it posted until now. Oh well, I can still express how thankful I am!

I am thankful for you...

and you...

and you...

and yes, you too.

This year, especially for you, our little unborn baby...

and for funny moments like this...

and for the privilege of watching my parents be grandparents...

and my husband be an uncle...

and me be an aunt. And for you, little Chloe, on your first Thanksgiving.

And last, but certainly not least, that my brother chooses to wear this color of orange, not that a state correctional facility makes him!

"Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise: be thankful unto Him and bless His name." Psalm 100:4

Good-Bye 2nd Tri...

...Hello 3rd Tri!

Wow! I can't believe that today I have reached the 3rd trimester of this pregnancy. What a blessing it is!


And for your viewing pleasure, a photo of me 28 weeks pregnant:

The Latest and Greatest

We have had two doctor's appointments since I updated last. I thought the days of going to the doctor every. single. week. were over for a while, but that was not to be *sad*.

Although, one big perk to seeing the doctor every week is that we also get to see baby girl every week. And no, she still does not have a name *sigh*.

At our appointment with Dr. N a few days ago, we were able to get some really good shots of her face. Chris was so cute... as soon as he saw her, he said, "She looks just like me!"
Which, maybe she does. I can't really tell. What do you all think?

She is still measuring small, but not getting farther behind, so that's a good thing.

We had an appointment with Dr. B (our high-risk doc) yesterday. She said everything still looks good enough that she doesn't have any major concerns at this time. However, not good enough that she was ready to release me back to seeing only Dr. N. I was disappointed with that, but we are willing to do what the doctors think we need to in order to get baby girl here safely.

She weighs a full two pounds now, and is very active in the mornings, evenings, and during the night. I just love feeling her move inside of me. I truly see being pregnant as a huge privilege granted to me by God, so I'm trying to enjoy every minute of it!

Oh, one more thing... I noticed yesterday that our ticker has less than 100 days left on it. We are down to double-digits! Whoa!

Nursery Pic (finally!)

Here it is! The debut pic of the nursery...

The walls are painted (and I'm thrilled with how they turned out!), we have a crib, and bedding. So far, I'm loving how everything is coming together. I'll post more pics in a couple months when we have stuff on the walls, our rocker, and dresser.

Go Pokes!

I'm sure those of you that know us IRL are quite confused by the title of this post! After all, we are University of Oklahoma fans, not Oklahoma State University fans!

BUT, Chris got free tickets to the OSU/Texas game on Halloween, so we decided to go and have a good time. For the record, I think everyone should have to opportunity to attend a major college football game on Halloween. There were some interesting sites, let me tell ya!
It was hard to tell with some people whether they were dressed for Halloween or just dressed for football. I'm hoping, however, that the grown men we saw dressed as Eeyore and Teletubbies was a Halloween thing!

We watched OSU lose (which really didn't hurt our feelings much, except that we didn't want to see Texas win), but had a great time anyway!

How do we look in orange? Yeah, I think we'll stick with our crimson and cream!

You asked for it...

This is me...

...head chopped off...

...standing in my living room...

...attempting a self portrait...

...with long hair...

...wearing my favorite color...

...and worn out boots that have a squeaky heal...

...25 weeks pregnant!

Baby Pics!

We haven't received any pics of baby girl for several visits because our doctor has been distracted trying to determine if she is healthy or not. However, yesterday we really got to she her at every angle possible, and got some good pics to bring home too!

In this photo, she's looking toward the ultrasound wand. It looks a little Halloweenish, but I like it because you can also she her ribs clearly.
This is the classic profile pic.

This is a pic of the legs that I feel kicking me all the time. The bright white lines are her bones.

It was so much fun watching her bob all around the screen during the exam yesterday. We go back to see Dr. N next week, and I can't wait to see her again!

Our meeting with Dr. B

Today, Chris and I were talking about appointments and Dr. P, Dr. N, and Dr. B, and another Dr. B that works in Dr. P's office that we saw a couple of times, and by the end of the conversation we were both so confused about which doctor does what and who is who that neither one of us was following the conversation.

Dr. B is the perinatologist that Dr. N referred us to in order to help figure out what's going on with me and baby girl.

Our appointment with her was at noon today, and I felt like overall it went really well. I was nervous about what we might find out, but I was also nervous because I had read several reviews about her online that said she had a horrible bedside manner. Although she isn't bubbly or overly friendly in any way, she was nice and took the time to explain things thoroughly to us (which is higher on our priority list for a doctor anyway).

The appointment began with a level II ultrasound, performed by a tech, that took at least 20-30 minutes. She measured everything from the baby's brain, to heart, to liver, to bones, to spine, to how much fluid she was pumping, to her kidneys, etc, etc. She took a total of 51 images of baby! Baby girl doesn't really like it when I put pressure on my tummy, and she kept kicking the ultrasound tech... it was cute.

Then, Dr. B came in and also took a peek at baby with the ultrasound machine. Baby's body is measuring about 5 days behind (right at 24 weeks), but when we saw Dr. N about 10 days ago, her body was 8 days behind, so she has caught up a few days. Her head is still measuring a full 10 days behind, but she is growing, so that's a good sign. Dr. B said there was nothing (such as a swollen heart, liver, or brain) that indicates there is any kind of problem or infection with the baby. She said that all indications lead her to believe that baby is genetically wired to have a small head, which is currently 2 standard deviations from average. She said that she won't be concerned with it until it reaches 3 standard deviations from average, and for now things are okay.

As for me, she, like Dr. N, does not believe that I am walking around feeling fine with 4 infectious diseases. She had taken a look at a previous Rubella titer that I had had done about 4 months ago, and my current numbers are barely elevated above those numbers. However, they are elevated just enough to push me into the "positive for infection" category. Dr. B said that most likely my antibodies are globally elevated, meaning that I just naturally run high in those areas. She said that something as simple as being dehydrated could have boosted my numbers just enough to send me into the "infectious zone".

Dr. B did send a sample of my blood off to a lab in California for further Toxoplasmosis testing. The reason for this is because this lab specializes in Toxoplasmosis testing and will be able to truly determine if I do have Toxoplasmosis or if it is a false positive. She said in her years of practice, she has only seen one true positive, so she does not anticipate that mine will be a true positive. If it is, we will go on to do an amnio at that time, but for now she didn't see anything that made her feel like an amnio would be justified. This made me feel so relieved. Dr. N had mentioned that she would probably discuss doing an amnio with us, and that really scared me. Toxoplasmosis is the only disease that we will be able to treat the baby for if we have it, so that is why we are looking into it a little further.

So, for now, I am to just concentrate on growing baby because Dr. B does not think there is anything too much out of the ordinary going on here. I go back to see Dr. N in about 10 days, then I'll see Dr. B again in two weeks. If, in two weeks, everything still appears to be normal and the additional blood work comes back okay, she will release me.

Overall, we both feel really good about how the appointment went today. We feel like she was thorough, informed, and encouraging, but not just sweeping the problem under the rug either.

On kind of a side note, I think I have come down with a cold. I'm not running a fever, but my nose is runny/congested, I have a very sore throat, and I'm overall just very low on energy. I was planning on working part of the day today, but decided to just rest up and hopefully kick this cold sooner rather than later. I feel so bad missing work, but I have to put first things first!

Thank you everyone for all your support and prayers! Hopefully, we'll be through this bumpy patch soon and I can get back to my quiet pregnancy!

Test Results

The results of my second TORCH test are the exact same as the first results. I was absolutely floored when Dr. N called to tell me.

Dr. N did say that he does not think these test results are correct. He thinks that there is something in my immune system triggering these positive results, especially since I have zero symptoms of any of the diseases I'm testing positive for. The problem is figuring out what is triggering these results.

I am scheduled to see the perinatologist on Monday.

Another Update

I completely lost all originality in the title of this post, but I just don't have the energy to think of anything else.

I want to give you all an update of what has transpired with the baby situation since our appointment last Thursday. It is a lot of information, but I'll try to keep it as simple as I can.

On Thursday, I gave blood for what is commonly known as the TORCH tests. This is a fairly common test given to pregnant women, especially if there may be a complication. Each letter in TORCH stands for a different infectious disease:

T - Toxoplasmosis
O - Other (includes Hepatitus and Syphilis)
R - Rubella
C - Cytomegalovirus (CMV)
H - Herpes

On Monday morning, I received a call from the Center for Disease control of Oklahoma informing me that I had tested positive for Rubella. Because Rubella is a contagious disease with the potential to be epidemic, they needed to know what symptoms of the disease that I had shown. The lady I was speaking with listed about 15 symptoms, and I could not confirm that I had manifested ANY ONE of them. She was very surprised by this, as Rubella very very rarely comes with no symptoms. Also, I have been immunized for Rubella several times, so it just didn't seem right that I had contracted it. I, of course, was very upset and freaking out, so I immediately called my doctor's office.

About an hour or so later, my phone rings and it is my doctor on the line. My heart immediately sank, as I realize that it is not generally a good thing if the doctor calls the patient directly. Dr. N informed me that yes, I did in fact test positive for Rubella, in addition to testing positive for Toxoplasmosis, Other, and Herpes. He was pretty much baffled by this, as I have not had one symptom of any of these diseases. I have not even had the very common symptoms like coughing, sore throat, or fever. While he would not come out and say it (probably because of liability reasons), he did imply that he felt like something must have gone wrong with the tests. He said that he had never seen someone test positive for even two the diseases at the same time, let alone 4 of the 5. However, because I have a small baby, and testing positive for any of these tests will cause that, he could not just dismiss the results either.

So, he instructed me to go have blood drawn immediately to re-do the tests. That was on Monday afternoon. He also had a definite sense of urgency to get me in to see the specialist that he didn't have on Thursday. He is sending me to a different perinatologist than he had originally referred me to, but I'm not sure why. I was very very overwhelmed when on the phone with him, as well as upset and crying and scared, so I didn't ask all the questions that I thought of later.

As of tonight, I have not yet received the results of the second TORCH test, but I just can't see how the original results could be accurate. However, if I do truly test positive for even one of the diseases, there are some major negative implications for the baby, including possible death or severe mental disability.

It has been a very rough past couple of days for Chris and me. I am doing my best to stay as calm as possible, but I have been extremely emotional about all of this. We are just praying that everything is a big mistake, but right now it feels like a nightmare. However, we are looking to our Heavenly Father for strength and calm, and trying to take everything one day at a time.

Thank you again for all your prayers. This has all just been so overwhelming that it's taken me a few days to process it enough to pass on the info, but I will try to update sooner when we find out the results of the second TORCH test.

One thing I want to add is that yesterday, for the first time, I could see baby girl kicking from the outside! It was so amazing! Her kicks were stronger yesterday than they have ever been, so I'm taking that as a good sign, and just trying to enjoy the blessing in it.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Last Thursday, baby and I had another doctor's appointment. Things didn't go as well as I had hoped, so it was a pretty rough day.

During my first appointments (all the way until I was 16 weeks, really), I kept expecting bad news at each appointment. I mean, it seemed like that's the only kind of news I would get at my fertility doctor, so when I started getting GOOD news at appointments, it was a welcome change! I had finally relaxed and stopped expecting bad news when this appointment rolled around. I hate it when stuff like this catches me off-guard.

Below is an update on what we know. I'll begin with the good.

The Good: The baby is alive. She was moving and had a strong heartbeat. She is growing. I'm feeling good and healthy. My blood pressure is good. I will be 24 weeks along on Wednesday.

The Bad: Baby is not growing like she should be. She went from measuring 2 days behind at our 12 week appointment, to 3 days behind at our 16 week appointment, to 5 days behind at our 20 week appointment, to 10 days behind at our 23 week appointment. I gained 6 pounds since our 20 week appointment, but baby didn't gain much at all. Her head is measuring especially small.

The Ugly: Because baby is getting farther and farther behind, that could indicate that there is a major problem either with the baby or the placenta. My doctor referred me to a perinatologist for further testing. He also had me give blood for the TORCH test, but we don't know the results yet. I should see the perinatologist within the next week. My doctor also prescribed me Folgard to hopefully help the baby receive more nutrients, a daily baby aspirin, and said that bedrest may be in my future.

I'm trying very hard not to freak out about all of this, especially since we don't know for sure what is going on quite yet. It is hard not to worry, though. This appointment was the first time that I have ever cried in the doctor's office. Of all the news I've ever received in a doctor's office -- from the first time the word infertile was ever used, to being referred to an RE, to being told that my ovaries look like swiss cheese, to being told that my entire reproductive system needed a major overhaul, to being told I wasn't responding to meds, to being told that the cycle didn't work, to being told I have a cyst on my ovary again, etc, etc -- I was always able to hold myself together until I got to my car (or the parking lot at least).

But not this time.

This time was different. This time wasn't just about me. I feel like my body is failing my baby, and that is the worst feeling yet.

So, if you will, please pray for Chris and me and our precious baby.

Bird-brained

Confession: I have a serious crush.

On birds.

Yep, birds.

Every time I see them, I am just smitten. I can't help myself. I just love birds right now.

Because of this love, I decided that I wanted a big bird to go on the wall of the nursery. Not the Big Bird from Sesame Street, but a bird that is fairly large in size. I, however, did not want to spend a lot of money on Mr. Bird, and I wanted to be picky about Mr. Bird's coloring.

Hmmm... dilemma.

Solution? My sister, otherwise known The Craftiest Girl Alive, made this one for me (sneak peak at the color of the nursery walls... full post on that to come!):

And I LOVE it. I seriously think it's the cutest thing. Thanks for making the bird, Sister. He is just perfect.

Sometimes, poop happens

Chris and I really enjoy going to sporting events at The College Where I Work. The other night, we were sitting at a soccer game watching our guys beat the opposing team in the cool, crisp, autumn evening air --it was really a lovely night -- when hundreds of {what we think were} bats came flying out over the field.

Beside the fact that it was CREEPY, these creatures were dropping little gifts on the spectators. Well, I'm not actually sure if anyone other than my husband received a little gift, but yep, he got splatted right on the back with poop!

Does this stuff seriously happen to other people?!? Sometimes I wonder if Chris and I have some sort of magnetic field that attracts events like getting pooped on, in public, at a sporting event of my place of employment, with my co-workers at witnesses!!!

But hey, if nothing else, I do have stories to tell *grin*

When Mother Comes to Town

Why is it that crazy things always happen when my mother comes to town? I want so bad for her to see what a well-adjusted, has-it-all-together, super-woman of a daughter she raised. Instead, it seems like all she sees is a fine mess.

It seems like every time Mom comes to town, things go awry. Sometimes it's simple things - like I forget to buy one ingredient for dinner so I have to rush out to the store while she scurries around the kitchen making sure things don't get ruined while I'm gone. Or, one time she came and I discovered that I didn't have any extra rolls of toilet paper in the house. Bad times, yo.

Other times, it's bigger things like our septic system deciding to take a little vacation and stop working. Or, what happened when she was here for the Alzheimer's Walk.

I had had a super-busy week, and had a few errands that I needed to run after work before Mom, Lisa, and Chloe arrived. I had planned to cook up a big pot of chili for dinner (I love chili in the fall!), so I called Chris and asked him to put it on the stove while I ran my errands. I have a great husband who can usually hold his own in the kitchen, so he agreed and I thought all was well. When I pulled into the driveway about 45 minutes later, every door and window in the whole house was open, and smoke was rolling out of the house.

I jumped out of my car and ran inside to see what in the world was going on. As it turns out, Chris put the chili on the stove (on high), then went out into the garage and forgot all about it. Only after the house was filled with smoke and the smoke-alarms were going off did he run inside to find the chili burned beyond anything salvageable.

And, of course, my mother arrives approximately 15 minutes after this takes place (while smoke was still rolling out of the house!)

I was so upset! The house smelled terrible, dinner was ruined, and my mother was there to witness it all! At dinner that night (out at our favorite restarant), Mom was trying to comfort me and I said, "But Mom, stuff like this never happens when you have your mother in town!" Mom just looked at me and began reminding me of all the diasters that have happened while her mother was visiting (ya know, like a hose busting on the refrigerator and flooding the house).

Is it terrible that I took great comfort in the fact that things aren't always perfect for my mom when her mom is in town? *sigh*

Half-way there!

Last week, the baby and I had our 20 week appointment with my OB. I can't believe this pregnancy is half-way over already!

I'm still feeling great... pretty much normal except for the bulging belly. Some days I feel like it grows overnight, and I'm beginning to really look pregnant. I've gained a total of 9 pounds so far, which is a little less than average. I know that weight gain is part of the deal, but I am trying to be somewhat careful about how much I pack on.

Baby girl is looking good. She is a little on the small side, but Dr. N said not to worry about that right now. She measured 19 weeks, 3 days along, weighing in at a whopping 10 ounces with a heartrate of 158 BPM.

I haven't been able to feel her move yet *sad*, so I asked Dr. N about that. As it turns out, I have an anterior placenta, so he said that I probably won't feel her move until a little later than normal. Boo on that! I am so anxious to feel her! The placenta thing shouldn't be any kind of problem, but he is going to keep an eye on it.

It is just so exciting to watch her grow! He didn't give us any pictures this time, but when I go in at the end of this month I'm going to ask for some. Being pregnant has truly been a great experience so far!

Oh, I have also completed the {huge} task of registering for baby items! Mom and Lisa helped me register when they were in town for the Alzheimer's Walk. I was incredibly thankful to have the help of people who knew what they were doing! There are just so many choices and gadgets and conveniences for baby that I had no idea what was actually necessary and what was not. I was stressing over getting registered, but that's another thing we can mark off our list. Woot!

Alzheimer's Walk 2009

I have a lot of blogging to catch up on! We have been BUSY lately, but I'm going to try to be much better about updating my blog. After all, it's the only way I can keep up with myself *grin*.

This past weekend was the 2009 Memory Walk for Alzheimer's Disease. Our team, Gray Wolf, happily participated in the walk. The weather was perfect and it was a great morning!

Team Gray Wolf in the Field of Teams:

Originally, our team thought we were going to have 7 or 8 members walking with us. Because of this, I had set our team fundraising goal at $1000, even though last year we raised just over $500. As it turned out, we only had one more walker than last year, but we still met our goal! We were just thrilled to raise over $1000 for the cause!

There were about 1100 walkers at the event, with a total of over $200,000 raise for Alzheimer's research. Together, we can make a difference!

Last year, Lisa was expecting Chloe, and this year I am expecting our {still nameless} daughter. I can't wait to bring her along on the walk next year!

Miss Chloe was happy to be walking for Pappy. She was so good as we hauled her all around that day.

THANK YOU to everyone who supported us this year! We had a great time!

One year ago

I've been having some very vivid, very real dreams lately. I've heard that this is a pregnancy thing, but it is still pretty crazy. My dreams are so real that after I wake up, I have to really think about whether or not whatever happened in the dream actually happened in real life.

Last night I dreamed about my Aunt Diana.

I've been thinking about her a lot lately. I guess I should say more than usual because I think about her every day anyway. It was around a year ago that she was first diagnosed with Leukemia. I don't remember the exact date, but I do remember the exact conversation when my mom told me the devastating news. Mom called me before work one morning (it was either a Monday or a Tuesday). I was in the bathroom fixing my hair, so I put her on speakerphone and was going about my business. Mom couldn't hardly squeak the news out to me. When she finally did, I was so shocked I felt nothing. Or, maybe I was feeling so much that it just made me numb. I remember I kept saying, What?!? to her on the phone. My brain would not process the information.

As the day went on, of course it was on my mind, but I truly didn't believe it. I just knew that the diagnosis had to be wrong (there was some confusion with the diagnosis at first, so that only fed my denial). I can't even begin to imagine how her husband, daughter, and son felt during those first days (or even now). There was no way that my aunt had cancer... it just couldn't be possible.

But she did.

And the unthinkable happened.

And we miss her so much.

She was so real last night in my dream that my heart aches with a very fresh ache today. I know that our family will never be the same, and that losing her has changed us forever. I just hope that the influence of her life will always be stronger than the influence of her death.

This is what you get...

when the tree-hugging daddy picks out an outfit for the baby!

What earth-friendly little pair of footie-pajamas!

This is the shirt that Momma picked out:

MUCH cuter... don't you think?!?

*grin*

Walking for a Cause

Chris and I had a busy - but fun - Labor Day weekend hanging out with family. After picking up my grandparents, we spent most of the weekend at my parents' house eating, shopping, and relaxing.

My grandparents are very dear to us and we love the opportunities we have to spend time with them! Check out my little 16 week baby bump in the photo!
The guys had been playing hard all day and were too gross and sweaty to be in the photos!
Three generations... very alike in many o'way!

I'm not sure if I've written much before about my Pappy having Alzheimer's Disease. He was diagnosed about 8 or so years ago, but we have been very blessed that is has, for the most part, been slow progressing. Each time I'm around him now, though, I can see the effects of the disease slowly taking over more and more. Alzheimer's is really a terrible disease, and witnessing it take a loved one is excruciating at times.

Last year, to show support for him, my mom, sister, and I walked in the Alzheimer's Memory Walk. This year we are planning to walk again! We really enjoyed the walk last year, and it is for a good cause. I have posted a link to my team page in the upper right-hand corner of my blog page that you are welcome to check out. If you want, please also feel free to make a donation to support our walk. We are grateful for any amount because it contributes a little more to important Alzheimer's research.

Attention: Baby Gender Spoiler!

Yesterday, I had my much anticipated 16 week OB appointment. Chris was so anxious about it that he hadn't been sleeping well... I, of course, was calm as a cucumber *wink*!

Everything looks great with the baby. It's growing (so BIG now!) and its little heart was just beating away. What an amazing sound! Dr. N didn't get any good pics, so none to post {sad}.

Ever since I found out we are expecting, I have been convinced that the baby is a boy. I have been so excited for a little boy... looking at boy clothes and boy toys and dreaming of our little man.

So, after Chris and I decided that we for sure did want to find out the sex of the baby, I was anxious to see if I was right about it being a boy.




And guess what???




I was WRONG!



We are having a GIRL, and we are just tickled PINK!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Great Debate

The title of this post could refer to many things, but in this case, I'm referring to the debate surrounding whether or not Chris and I want to find out the sex of our baby before he/she is born. Neither one of us have a really strong opinion about this. We've been back and forth and back and forth about finding out, but I think we have finally decided.

We DO want to find out if our baby is a boy or girl before he/she is born!

We have several reasons that have swayed us in this direction.

Thing one: I don't really like the color yellow. Remember this post? As silly as this is (and maybe I shouldn't have made it Thing One) I've noticed that couples who do not know the sex of the baby ahead of time end up with a lot of yellow stuff. I just wouldn't be real thrilled with that, so it's motivating me to find out the baby's sex.

Thing two: We have waited and waited and waited for this baby. I'm tired of waiting to know whether my oldest child is a boy or a girl.

Thing three: We feel like we'll be able to bond more with the baby before he/she is born if we know if it's a he or she. I don't know if that's really true or not, but that's how we feel.

Thing four: I'm a planner. Enough said.

Thing five: As much as I liked the idea of being surprised in the delivery room, we'll be surprised on the day we find out, too. We just have to choose when we want the surprise... and we are choosing sooner rather than later.

One thing that we don't plan on doing, though, is announcing the baby's name before he/she is born. I really want to wait to "officially" name the baby until after he/she is born. Plus, it may take Chris and I that long to actually agree on a name anyway!

I have an appointment with my OB next week, so we may be able to find out if we have a son or daughter then! If so, I'll definitely keep everyone posted.

Surprise Tomatoes!

As you all know from this post, Chris and I mulch much of our food waste. Generally, Chris uses the rich, dark soil to fill in low spots in the yard (he's a bit obsessed with having a level yard... is this just a guy thing or what?).

In late spring, we had purchased a small container of cherry tomatoes. Then, we went out of town and the tomatoes spoiled, so we threw them in the mulch bin.

Earlier this summer, Chris noticed a tomato plant growing where he had poured the soil from the mulch bin.
These photos are obviously from later this summer, after the plant(s) have grown quite large.

The plants have kept us in a steady supply of cherry tomatoes all summer long.

Kinda cool if you ask us!

Once an infertile, always an infertile

The day that I would finally see a positive outcome on a pregnancy test was a day I had dreamed of for many years. I had imagined all of the amazing feelings I would have, and I had often thought about the simple wonderful-ness of it all.

One thing that I never considered was that I would still have to deal and cope with all of the emotions brought about by infertility. While finally being pregnant did produce the amazing feeling that I had dreamt it would, suffering from infertility had changed things so much for me. I guess in a way I thought that the feelings of inadequacy, fear, emptiness, guilt, and pain would just go away when I was with child.

But those feelings are still here.

All along, I think I've known that having a baby wouldn't be a cure-all for the pain of infertility, but I wanted to believe it would. I wanted to believe that someday I would never again have to feel the terrible pain that infertility brings.

A couple weeks ago, when I visited my OB for the first time, I really struggled with facing my infertility. It began in the waiting room, which was full of hugely pregnant women and mothers with their young babies. As I sat there, I began to feel a bit of anxiety. At first, I thought it was a habitual reaction. After all, for the past 6 years I have been reacting that way in similar situations. After thinking about it more, though, I realized that I struggled because I felt like I didn't belong there. Infertility can really isolate. For years, I haven't belonged in crowds of pregnant women and young, new mothers. Even though I was now pregnant, in my mind, I still didn't belong there. I didn't get to that place the same way those women did. I traveled a long, hard road that others cannot understand unless they too have traveled that way. I am infertile... even though I am pregnant... I am still infertile.

Then, when my doctor called me back for my appointment, we spent the first 20 minutes reliving the long, ugly history of my woman health problems and infertility. Detail by detail I shared with him the journey of the last six years and, once again, those all-too-familiar feelings of broken-ness and failure and shame crept up. Bearing children is a basic function of a woman. Why couldn't I do it like everyone else?

I also have struggled with questions that people ask when they find out I am expecting. The Oh were you surprised when you found out? and, How did you find out? are hard comments for me to hear. I know this probably sounds silly, but in so many ways I feel ashamed that I don't have the traditional story of One day my husband and I decided to have a baby, and the next month I was late so I tested and BOOM found out we were pregnant!

I know that this is just stuff that I need to work through. I need to forgive myself for the six years of doctors and meds and counts and tests because I carry guilt for all of that. Guilt that I know (cognitively) is ridiculous, but guilt that is there nonetheless.

This post is long and rambling, and I'm not sure that I have completely conveyed my feelings. I really just want to share that I have come to the realization that I will probably always, on some level, have to deal with my infertility. Even with our enormous blessing on the way, infertility still haunts me some days when I think about the future, when I wonder if I really will have a baby in February, when I wonder if this child will ever have siblings, when others get pregnant so easily or by "accident", when I hear young couples spouting their perfectly laid plans for the future, or when I am sitting in a waiting room of expectant mothers.

I just pray that God continues to give me the strength to face it.

Project Fence

When Chris and I purchased our house 3 years ago, we made a list (you know me!) of the things that we wanted to do to the house over time.

Some things on the list were really simple, like installing digital thermostats and painting. Other things on the list involve a little more work (and cost), like building a six-foot privacy fence around our 1/2 acre.

We finally can cross the fence project off the list!

Project Fence began as a series of holes in our yard:
The following weekend, the holes were filled with posts:

The posts then became home to the approximately 500 feet of pickets:

Didn't Chris do a fantastic job? There is now a gate where the big gap in the photo above is. I was a little skeptical of him building the gate himself (I can't help it sometimes... I'm just like that), but I am definitely impressed with his skills! I feel very blessed to be married to a man who is capable of building a fence (among other things :-).

Now we can finally get that dog that Chris has wanted for so long!

Turning 50!

Yesterday was my *young* mother-in-law's 5oth birthday! We spent the afternoon at her house celebrating with a nice crowd of friends and family.

The cake was super-cute, but I have no idea how it tasted *boo*. I missed the cake eating part of the party... for no good reason either! I just wasn't paying attention to what was going on in the kitchen.
The birthday girl and her *grumpy* husband are pictured below. Okay, he wasn't really grumpy at all, he just doesn't like to have his picture taken. In fact, he pretty much hates it, but sometimes I can talk him into it *grin*!

Birthday lady and her favorite *only* daughter-in-law:

The pretty-in-pink niece, Abby, and Grandma:

The cute 'lil *big* nephew, Zeekers:

Chris doesn't love taking photos either, but he smiles because he loves me and I'll pout otherwise! Kidding *sort of*!

Yay for par-tays!

Ultrasound #4

I'm a little late in posting this, but better late than never, right?

On August 11th, I had my first appointment with my new OB. The appointment went really well, and I was very impressed with Dr. N. I think we're going to get along just great.

Dr. N did another ultrasound so we could get a peek at the baby. I was 11 weeks and 6 days at this appointment. He has a 3d and 4d ultrasound machine in his office, so we were really able to see the baby. It was amazing!

In the photo below, you can see the baby's little ribs. On the screen, we could see each little finger and individual toes. The baby was only about 2 1/2 inches long at this point, which is just phenomenal if you think about it. God is truly amazing!

I love this shot because you can really see the baby's face. It's so cute in a weird, distorted sort of way :-). Also, you may notice in the photo what looks distinctly like a boy part. However, at this age, what we are seeing my not necessarily be a boy part. It may be the end of the spine that the body has not yet grown around. The baby's heartrate was 170 beats per minute, so still quite fast. Now that I'm a "regular" patient, I won't have another appointment until September 8th! Such a long time to wait!!!

This week, we said good-bye to the first tri... a BIG milestone. Time is really flying by!

Shopping for baby

Chris and I have yet to buy anything baby-related. I've looked several times for a cute onesie or something to buy for the baby, but have yet to find anything that I can't resist.

This past weekend, however, I did find this:

That's right, it's a maternity shirt. It's cute, a nice color, and it was on sale.

So, I bought it.

I can't wear it yet. In fact, I look a little ridiculous with it on. But, it is our first official baby-related purchase (besides the massive amounts of fertility drugs), and my niece requested that I put a photo of it on my blog for her to see. What do you think, Kay?

I have to admit, I felt a bit strange buying it. I'm still dealing with lots of is this really happening? type feelings.

As a funny *sort-of* side note, one common reaction that we have heard when we share our baby news with people is, "Get ready to spend money... babies are expensive" or something to that effect. Whenever people say this, Chris and I just look at each other and laugh. If people only knew the thousands upon THOUSANDS of dollars that we spent to conceive this child, they probably wouldn't say silly things like that. There's no get ready about it. We've been spending major money on this baby for several years already!

The Mystery of the Rubber Glove

When I was little, I loved to read. My favorite series when I was in 2nd and 3rd grade(ish) was called The Boxcar Children. The Boxcar Children books are 100-120 page chapter books that tell the story of 4 siblings (2 boys and 2 girls, just like my family) who always come across mysteries that need to be solved. The mystery is generally introduced by the siblings observing something just a bit out of the ordinary. I seriously loved those books.

I now have a mystery of my own.

This morning, after being at work for about 2 hours, I observed something that was certainly out of the ordinary. I went to throw something in my trash can, and saw this:

At first, I couldn't really decipher what it was. Then, I realized... it's a rubber glove!

And not just any rubber glove, but a soiled rubber glove. One that is inside-out because someone had taken it off of their grubby hand.

You may be thinking, what's the big deal? It probably belongs to the janitorial staff. That is exactly what I thought at first, too.

Then, I started thinking about it a little more. In effort to save costs, our offices are only being cleaned once a week (I work for a state institution, remember?). Our day is Wednesday. Our trashes are only emptied more often than that if we set our trashcan outside our door in the evenings. I know that the janitorial staff did not vacuum my office this weekend. I also know that they did not take out my trash, because under the rubber glove is trash from Friday. I had yet to throw anything away today, except for the two peel-away calendar sheets that you can see in the photo.

So where exactly did this soiled rubber glove come from? Who put it there? What was that person doing in my office? Am I in possession of some sort of crime evidence?

To quote my friend, "It's like the OJ glove, only rubber!

Eeeeeeeek!!!

Baby's first photos!

I'm so excited to share my ultrasound pictures with you, blog-world! Enjoy!

At my first ultrasound (on July 9th), I was 7 weeks, 1 day along. We obviously couldn't see much, but we could certainly hear baby's heart beating away at 133 beats per minute. The baby was measuring a little over 8 millimeters and 6 weeks, 6 days (two days behind its gestational age).
At ultrasound number two (on July 20th), I was 8 weeks, 5 days along.The baby's heartrate was 174 beats per minute! Wow! It was measuring a little over 19 millimeters (had already doubled in length!) and 8 weeks, 3 days. Still two days behind its gestational age.


At ultrasound number 3 (on July 30th), I was 10 weeks, 1 day along. The baby's heartrate was 163 beats per minute.

The baby was measuring 28.5 millimeters and 9 weeks, 5 days (3 days behind its gestational age).

Seeing our baby has been so exciting! My first appointment with my new doctor is next week, so I'm really hoping that we'll get a peek at baby again.

One more thing before I end this post... I had to add a new label to my post labels the other day... Pregnancy!!! I know it's just a little thing, but it really made me smile!