Friday, May 22, 2009

And on the fertility front...

I can always tell when it's been a while since I've posted about our infertility battle because people will start asking me if I have any "special news". Then, sometimes, they will go on to say that they have just been waiting on the edge of their seats for an announcement from me and if I could hurry it up a bit that would be great.

Hmmmm. I'll be sure to get right on that.

I do have some recent happenings to report, but it sure isn't what I wish I was sharing. We spend a great deal of time just waiting in between cycles, so that's mainly what has been going on. I really don't mind people asking (in fact, I appreciate it), just please try to be sensitive and not say stupid stuff. I know it's hard to know what to say, but a simple "How are things going?" and "We are still praying for you" is great.

As you may remember, our March cycle failed. Since then, we have been waiting and waiting and waiting and WAITING for CD1 so we could try again. These loooooonnnnnng cycles are so exhausting. At the beginning of this week, I called Dr. P's office to let them know that CD1 had finally arrived. Upon my office visit, I received good and bad news.

The good news is that Courtney, my former "fertility coordinator", is no longer working there. I was actually really happy about this because we have had a lot of problems with her. She was not at all organized and there were a couple times that she forgot to order my meds or call me back. One time, she promised to call an order into the pharmacy for me, didn't do it, then lied to me about it. My new "fertility coordinator" is named Lynette, and so far she has been a pleasure to work with.

The bad news is that my baseline ultrasound revealed a somewhat large cyst on my left ovary. I could tell instantly what it was when it showed up on the ultrasound screen, and I knew it wasn't good. The cyst measured about 14 mm, which ironically is larger than any follicle has ever been during my mid-cycle ultrasound (for those of you that aren't fertility challenged, a mature follicle needs to be between 18-25 mm, so I always have to do extra days of injections to make them grow that big then go back for a second mid-cycle ultrasound).

Dr. P decided that we would basically ignore the cyst for now and forge ahead with the cycle. He did increase my meds this cycle, so maybe - just maybe - I'll respond a little better. My treatment plan includes Femara (Letrozole) with Follistim injections, trigger shot, and IUI. This will make 4 cycles with injections (only 2 have resulted in IUI so far), 19 cycles with medication (clomid, metformin, Femara, Follistim, etc), and too many cycles to count of TTC (probably somewhere around 50).

Other than that, nothing else is new on the fertility front. Infertility is still painful. It still stings me at unexpected times. It is still humiliating to have to describe every personal detail about my flow to 15 nurses, then get "waist down" and let them experience it up-close-and-personal. I still wonder how empty arms can feel so heavy that somedays I don't feel like I can carry them any more. I still hope. I still pray. I still believe.


Elana Kahn said...

I'm sorry. That's such a bummer. (I mean all of those treatment cycles.) I'll be praying for you to have a successful cycle really soon!!!

Russ said...

You are always in our prayers. Keep the prayers flowing!

Tracy said...

You're exactly right people don't know what to say. I myself included. I hope I haven't said something toooo stupid or insensitive.

We love you and are praying for you.

KJG said...

I certainly feel inadequate when it comes to finding words that are appropriate, but I still believe in the Hope that we can have in our Father who gives all good gifts. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your journey.

Melissa said...

You definitely have my prayers!

Angie said...

I'm still praying for you guys...I pray for you everyday! :)