Monday, February 9, 2009

My Reality of Infertility

I'm sure that most everyone has heard about the California woman who gave birth to Octuplets a couple weeks ago. I frequent a few message boards (mostly that discuss fertility treatments), and wow are they blowing up about this!

When things like this happen (that is, higher order multiple births), fertility treatments are put in the media spotlight, and everyone seems to have an opinion about them... whether they are actually an informed individual or not. Because of this, fertility treatments really seem to get a bad stigma, or maybe I should say a worse stigma. Here are some of the comments that I have seen on message threads about fertility treatments in general:

"People who have fertility are irresponsible and too selfish to just adopt a needy child"

"America should stop this practice everyone is not meant to have children"

"People who do fertility are just crazy"

Now, while I admit that it certainly seems like there was some negligence involved with the whole Octuplet mom situation, it really really rubs me the wrong way when people start lumping all of us who pursue treatment for our infertility in one big category of "irresponsible", "selfish", and "crazy". I know not everyone agrees with fertility treatments, just as everyone does not agree with getting a heart transplant. And that's okay. However, I don't feel like people are seeing the true reality of infertility when they see these blurbs on TV about a woman who *may have * used the treatments in a careless way.

My reality of infertility goes way deeper than carelessly pouring drugs into my body in hopes of giving birth to twelve babies at once or being too selfish to adopt. This is journey that has been laden with some of the most difficult decisions that Chris and I have ever had to make.

Chris and I pray daily that we will make responsible and right decisions regarding the treatments that we pursue. We have had that hard, hard, hard conversation (more than once) about which treatments we are willing to undertake and where our stopping point is. We have spent many tearful evenings asking God to help us be wise in this journey.

That is my reality of infertility.

We have longed for children of our own for over five years. We have yearned for a little one with whom to give our love, to teach about the love of God and Jesus, and with whom to share our lives. We have prayed and prayed that whether this little one is to come to us by birth or by adoption, that we will be fit, loving parents.

That is my reality of infertility.

We have spoken with our physician about multiple births. We have discussed with eachother the possibility of having more than one baby at once. We know there is a possibility of a multiples, and we have prayed about that. We have agonized over the hard decision of whether or not we would still trigger if there were, say, four good eggs.

That is my reality of infertility.

We don't know what the future of our family holds. We don't know if we will have biological children or adopted children. But, we are careful and cautious and most importantly, PRAYERFUL, on this journey that is filled with hurt, disappointment, heartache, -- and someday -- happiness.

That is my reality of infertility.


Earl Gearl said...

Great post. The reality of infertility is hard to digest and those who don't have to go through it just don't understand, try as some of them might. We pray for you both and your journey to baby.

KJG said...

Beautifully written.

Tracy said...

I just cried with you. I pray and think about your journey everyday. I'm sorry you are having to go through this.

Joy Lin said...

I agree with Kelly. This is powerful.