The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Last Thursday, baby and I had another doctor's appointment. Things didn't go as well as I had hoped, so it was a pretty rough day.

During my first appointments (all the way until I was 16 weeks, really), I kept expecting bad news at each appointment. I mean, it seemed like that's the only kind of news I would get at my fertility doctor, so when I started getting GOOD news at appointments, it was a welcome change! I had finally relaxed and stopped expecting bad news when this appointment rolled around. I hate it when stuff like this catches me off-guard.

Below is an update on what we know. I'll begin with the good.

The Good: The baby is alive. She was moving and had a strong heartbeat. She is growing. I'm feeling good and healthy. My blood pressure is good. I will be 24 weeks along on Wednesday.

The Bad: Baby is not growing like she should be. She went from measuring 2 days behind at our 12 week appointment, to 3 days behind at our 16 week appointment, to 5 days behind at our 20 week appointment, to 10 days behind at our 23 week appointment. I gained 6 pounds since our 20 week appointment, but baby didn't gain much at all. Her head is measuring especially small.

The Ugly: Because baby is getting farther and farther behind, that could indicate that there is a major problem either with the baby or the placenta. My doctor referred me to a perinatologist for further testing. He also had me give blood for the TORCH test, but we don't know the results yet. I should see the perinatologist within the next week. My doctor also prescribed me Folgard to hopefully help the baby receive more nutrients, a daily baby aspirin, and said that bedrest may be in my future.

I'm trying very hard not to freak out about all of this, especially since we don't know for sure what is going on quite yet. It is hard not to worry, though. This appointment was the first time that I have ever cried in the doctor's office. Of all the news I've ever received in a doctor's office -- from the first time the word infertile was ever used, to being referred to an RE, to being told that my ovaries look like swiss cheese, to being told that my entire reproductive system needed a major overhaul, to being told I wasn't responding to meds, to being told that the cycle didn't work, to being told I have a cyst on my ovary again, etc, etc -- I was always able to hold myself together until I got to my car (or the parking lot at least).

But not this time.

This time was different. This time wasn't just about me. I feel like my body is failing my baby, and that is the worst feeling yet.

So, if you will, please pray for Chris and me and our precious baby.