Friday, May 21, 2010

Celebrating Mother's Day in a new way!

Okay, so I'm a little behind as Mother's Day is passed. BUT, I wanted to document this important and special day... even if I am 2 weeks late!

As you can imagine, for someone who is longing for a baby of their own, Mother's Day can be a very un-favorite day of the year. I've tried very hard through the years to make Mother's Day about celebrating my own amazing Mom, but it's very difficult not to let the emotions of infertility get the best of you on a day like Mother's Day. Seven years ago on Mother's Day, Chris and I were just getting ready to start trying for a baby. I was very excited about what the next Mother's Day would bring.

It brought lots of things, but a baby it did not.

And each baby-less Mother's Day after that became harder and harder and harder.

Three years ago, Chris and I had just finished (or maybe I should say survived) eight failed cycles with Clomid, the drug that gave me severe hot flashes, made my hair fall out, and made me absolutely crazy in the head. CRAZY.

Two years ago, I was visiting my parents when a man said, "Happy Mother's Day! Oh wait, you're not a Mom... maybe you should work on that! Haha!" Ugh. That was no bueno.

Then there was last year.

Last year was bad.

Last year on Mother's Day, my emotions were super-charged. We had endured two failed IUIs and three failed cycles using injections. We were {not so} patiently waiting to cycle again. My dear aunt was two days away from passing and we knew the end was very near for her. My preacher delivered a lovely sermon, all about enduring trials (including losing loved ones) and how God designed mothers to help us do that.

Last year I had a {small} meltdown and had to sit in the bathroom during church and pull myself together.

So this year, as Mother's Day approached, I was actually dreading it a little bit. I was apprehensive of the emotions that might surface. There's still a lot of healing going on here.

However, while it was certainly an emotional day for me, it was also turned out to be wonderful. It is always in the forefront of my mind what a blessing my Brianna is.

And, what a blessing it is to celebrate Mother's Day . . .

. . . as a Mommy.

I love you, my beautiful little {BIG} blessing!

2 comments:

Sara and Cayce said...

I'm with ya girl.

Tracy said...

That made me cry:(((