Saturday, May 28, 2011

It's not about the looks

Before I was married, I thought that all extra-martial affairs were about looks. I thought that men cheated on their wives because they found someone prettier and vice-versa.

Then, I read a book called His Needs, Her Needs. It was a real eye-opener for me. It basically says that affairs happen in marriage because of unmet/unfulfilled needs, not because of pure physical attraction.

As a general rule, I do believe this is the truth. Of course, there are always exceptions, but I think for the most part, looks have very little to do with anything when it comes to an affair.

Do you know who is a prime example of this? Arnold Swarzanegger. Have you all seen photos of his mistress? I'm not trying to be mean in any way, but c'mon! I have always thought that Maria Shriver is an attractive woman, and the (former?) mistress is, ummm, well, you know, less than attractive.

And even though I now know that affairs are not about looks, I'm still shocked when I see handsome men cheat on their beautiful wives with ugly women. It just doesn't make sense.


Lisa said...

Another case in point: Shania Twain's ex-husband. Who in their right mind would cheat on her!?!?!

Wes and Kendall said...

This was one of the books Wes and I studied in depth during our Dynamic Marriage training. There are a few things that I thought were off base, but for the most part, I do believe most of what Harley says is true. Great book! You need to read Love Busters... it's about identifying the things that cause friction for you with your spouse and vice versa, so that you can work on avoiding these things like annoying habits, angry outbursts, etc. (hence love-busters).