Friday, December 30, 2011

The Perfect Family

Now that I'm largely pregnant and obviously showing, I am constantly being asked by people I don't know, "When are you due?"

This question is generally followed closely by, "Do you know what you're having?" (in my head, I always think "a baby" but I'm not brave enough to say this out loud :-). 

While I certainly don't mind either one of these questions (actually, I like talking about Brenson and my pregnancy), sometimes peoples' responses can really irritate me. The most common responses that Chris and I have heard lately when telling people that we are expecting a baby boy have been:

"Oh, a girl and a boy . . . the perfect family" 
"One of each! How lucky you are!"
"That's great! Now you can be done!"

I mean, seriously??? We have heard SO MANY of these comments, and I think each and every one are inappropriate. Who says that one girl child and one boy child makes the perfect family? Is a family with only one child, or no children, or five children somehow imperfect because it's not just one girl and one boy? "Perfect" is so relative, and what is perfect for you may not be perfect for me. 

As far as the "lucky" comment goes, I don't like the word lucky in reference to my amazing blessings from God. However, what really bothers me about this statement is that I wonder if people would consider us "unlucky" if we were having another girl instead of a boy? If so, how messed up is that? How could what God decided to give us be "unlucky" in any way?

Also, I hate it when people say "now you're done" or "now you can be done". Honestly, Chris and I hope to have more children after this. I have said to a few people, "Oh, we may not be done" or "We're keeping our options open" and you should see the looks we get! Just because we have "one of each" doesn't mean that other people can dictate whether or not we're "done". That is between us and God. Do we know if we'll be blessed with more children? No. Do we hope and pray to be blessed with more children? Yes. And that is our business and our choice and our dream . . . nobody else gets a say (except God, of course).

If a girl and boy is the perfect family for you, then I think that's wonderful. However, I know several families that are made up of 3 or 4 girls, or 3 or 4 boys, or a mixture of both girls and boys, and I never look at them and think "imperfect". I think "how wonderful" and "how blessed". I hate that our society judges people for having (or wanting) "large" families. And, I hate the comments we get about being "done". 

What are your thoughts on this? I'd love to hear from you!


Sarah said...

I think people should just keep their mouths shut....not knowing how you feel on the subject.

Emily said...

since we didn't know the sex and already had a boy i'd always get "hoping for a girl right?" My responce was always "we're fine either way, we're no where near done having kids so we'll get a girl eventually!" it ALWAYS shocked people!!!

KJG said...

I always thought we'd have 3 boys in a row and people are shocked and even rude sometimes when I answer that we would love to have more babies. I've come up with a response that has enough humor to help relax the situation and also answer honestly... I simply tell them I want more, but not enough for a reality TV show. :)

Elana said...

I get that ALL THE FLIPPING TIME. But I got it more right after the twins were born. "Oh wow, you have a girl and a boy! That's just perfect and now you don't have to have any more!" Uh, no lady...I plan to have 5 or 6 kids, so the fact that I had twins first changes nothing. Ideally I'd like to have a balanced family or more boys than girls, but whatever G-d gives me is what I'm going to get. It drives me nuts when people open their mouths and make themselves look like idiots with their comments about my family size or "perfectness".

Angie said...

Well said! I agree with you on so many levels!

asg said...

I agree. It doesn't stop after they are born either. We still get that and Reagan is 3. We plan to have atleast one more, so we always tell them that we might have another. I don't know why people are so shocked.

Andrea Beam said...

Hi! I just stumbled across your is very good! Thanks for sharing your heart and about your family!

God bless!