Wednesday, February 1, 2012

On waiting

As you know, our doctor's appointment didn't really go well this past Monday, and I left the office feeling defeated and frustrated. I think had Dr. N been there, the outcome could have been much different. The reason I think this is because Dr. N has been talking to us about setting an induction date since I was about 36 weeks along. I personally think that the choice of whether or not to be induced should be evaluated on a case-by-case basis, and the primary reason that Dr. N would like to induce us is for his own convenience. Not really a great reason, if you ask me. However, I think he would have persuaded me to set a date had we seen him on Monday.

I was induced with Brianna at exactly 39 weeks along. As some of you remember, we had some trouble during my pregnancy with her (at one point, she stopped growing for a while). At my 39 week ultrasound, Dr. N found that she was no longer growing, she had a decelerated heart-rate, and that her practice breathing had become sporadic. I had also noticed that her movement had really decreased. For these reasons, Dr. N felt that it was best to get her out. At the time, I was only dialated to {not quite} 1 cm and 70% effaced, so it took a while to get labor going. You can read her birth story here. In her case, I felt like induction was the best thing for her and I don't regret that decision.

This time around, I really do not want to be induced. I know this sounds silly, but I like the idea of going into labor on my own and all the excitement that comes along with that. However, I will admit that I am beginning to grow impatient, and the thought of an induction date is looking more appealing by the day. Even though I haven't even reached my due date yet, I feel like I may never go into labor on my own.

Irrational? Probably.

However, here is how the thoughts in my head are playing out:

My body could never get pregnant without help. In fact, I had to have medicine to make me produce an egg, to make the egg grow, to make my body release the egg, and even to grow the baby in Brianna's case. I never went into labor on my own with her, so what in world makes me think that my body will go into labor on its own this time? I've had to have help with every single step along the way, so why not this one?

Is this just impatience and hormones running a muck? Most likely. I'm just so ready and so uncomfortable right now. I really thought Brenson would be a January baby, so I'm pretty disappointed that he's not here yet. And yes, I absolutely realize that I set myself up for that disappointment and that it's totally my own fault. I did this same exact thing with Brianna when I decided in my head that she would arrive before Valentine's Day (she was due February 24th and born on February 18th). I'm my own enemy!

I am so thankful that I haven't had any problems with preterm labor. I would much, much rather be a little frustrated by making less progress than I want to than to be struggling to keep a baby from being a premie. So, I'm trying to be patient and trying to be content with today, but we are ready to meet you, Brenson! Please come soon :-).


Sarah said...

I know how you feel....sorta! This is my first baby but I really want things to happen naturally.

Mallorie said...

So exciting!!! :-)

Elana said...

I know it seems like the pregnancy will just go on forever, but I promise that it won't. Some babies just take a few extra days to "cook", that's all. There are times when mom's bodies don't do a very good job of going into labor on their own and need to be induced before 42 weeks, but you still have almost 3 weeks to go until you reach that point. So hang in there! There are some great acupressure points for starting up labor and many other things you can try as well. :-)

Cayce, Sara, and Lily said...

Your rationale makes complete sense to me. :-)