Monday, October 8, 2012

Lose-Lose

Not long ago, I was having a conversation with an acquaintance of mine who is a single mom to a little boy. The subject of the boy's father came up, and I asked if he (the father) ever saw the baby. She quickly and nonchalantly said, "Nah. Oh well, his loss." 

This statement was a bit shocking to me, although nothing new. Haven't almost all of us heard this before? I've heard it on television, in the movies, in books, and sadly in real life as well. And maybe it's not so much the statement that gets me. After all, it is a loss to a parent who chooses to abandon their child(ren). It is a loss when a parent chooses to not be part of a child's life. It's a huge loss, indeed. 

But what is this attitude?

So many times, a statement like his loss is made in a flippant way. As if it doesn't hurt anyone else that the parent is absent. Oh well is what she said first. Oh well, his loss. But it's not. It's not oh well because it's not just his loss. 

Why? 

Because when it comes to raising babies, BOTH parents matter. I know this is not popular - and it's probably pretty politcally incorrect to say it - but GOD'S design for the family is a father AND a mother. They both matter. They are both important. Children need them both. 

Now, before I get blasted, let me say that I understand sometimes circumstances arise where one parent is left to raise a baby or child(ren) on their own and they just have to make the best of that. I'm not saying it can't be done or that healthy children can't come from that type of situation. What I am saying is that we need to be careful of our attitude regarding situations such as these. When one parent is absent, it is a loss to the child(ren). A huge loss. Not something to say oh well about. 

I realize that it's very likely the oh well came from this mother's own pain. I'm so sad for her that the baby's father wants nothing to do with them. I really, truly am. I don't know every detail of the situation, and I'm not faulting this mother for anything but her attitude. Because displaying such a cavalier attitude in such a grave situation just does not seem appropriate to me.

My babies adore their Daddy.

They can't wait for him to come home from work each day.

Their faces light up when they see him.

I'm so thankful that they have him in their lives.

There would be such a hole without him. A gaping hole.

They need him.

And if he were absent, it wouldn't be Oh well, his loss. It would be lose-lose.


6 comments:

linda eller said...

I couldnt agree more. God made the family, as you said with both parents, and if any way possible, it is best to stay that way.

Justin and Marcie said...

Agree with you 100%!!!

A Nerd and A Free Spirit said...

I bet you are right - her seemingly flippant response probably came from deep pain through which she doesn't know a correct way to respond. She likely realizes everything you said, but doesn't have another option, and may feel that shrugging it off is the only way for her to not display her pain. I am so thankful to also have a husband who takes his role very seriously. We are blessed, indeed. Love your new layout, etc. Very cute! (-:

~Kathryn

Angie said...

Well said! I could not agree more. Thanks for saying the uncomfortable things that need to be said.

Chris said...

Great insights. I need them as well.

asg said...

I absolutely agree!!!!