Spilling Secrets

I've been sitting here with my fingers poised over my computer keyboard for several minutes. They are still, just waiting to carefully peck out the most recent developments in our journey on the road of loss and infertility. But, the words are frozen . . . not wanting to come. My brain is warring with my emotions - just fighting to get the story out before the pain consumes me. 

And truly, I don't even know where to begin. There are many details. Many small things that I want to document, but that are insignificant in light of the bigger picture. So, I'll just jump right in with the big stuff and save the details for later. 

Earlier this summer, we saw this yet again:

Yes, for the fourth time in my life, I was able to see what I have dreamed of for so long. It is what we have been trying to achieve for over 10 years now with very few successes. It was a positive pregnancy test.

However, just about as quickly as this blessing came, it was gone. I miscarried our baby at 6 weeks and 2 days along. 

For the second time in my life, I miscarried our baby. For the second time in 2013, we suffered a heartbreaking loss. For the second time since trying for baby #3, our dreams and hopes were dashed. 

This experience was vastly different from our experience with losing B3, but it still hurt like only the loss of a dream can. My heart is so raw . . . I've been torn wide open. 2013 has definitely presented me with some of the most difficult days of my life. 

As horrible as it has been though, I know that I am blessed beyond measure. I know that I have a heavenly Father holding me up - giving me strength for this journey. I know that I will be okay. 

And that's why I want to share my story. I want to share to encourage others who are going through this same thing. I want to share to help my heart heal from this pain. And I want to share to bring glory to my Father God who has never and will never forsake me. 

The details of this story will be coming soon.