So, tomorrow is a big day for us around here. It's a day we've been preparing for, talking about, and anticipating for some time now. Tomorrow is the first day of school for ALL FOUR of my babies!
I've been collecting school supplies all summer because buying school supplies for four kids is no joke! This was only part of what we purchased:
I've known since the twins were born that I would have a year or two when all my kids would be going to school together, in the same building. When Brianna started school and the twins were babies, the time when they'd all be going to school together seemed so far away. HOW is it possible that's it's already here?!? I feel like I should have a few more years yet, and my heart hurts to think about how fast time is moving.
Brenson, Brooke, Brecklyn, and Brianna
I've known this was coming all along, so it's not like it's a surprise. It should feel easier than it does tonight, but there is such a collection of jumbled up emotions tumbling around in my head. It's times like this that I miss my babies who I never got to hold with a fierce and biting sting. I wish they were here. I wish there was another little person between Brenson and the twins getting ready to go off to school. I wish there were two more little ones still at home with me.
Brianna
No matter what, I know that this transition would not be easy for me. However, I also know that my grief for the babies that are not with us is contributing the turmoil of emotions I feel tonight. Would this process be just a little bit easier if I wasn't sending all of my living babies off to school tomorrow?
Brenson
I'm almost afraid of how quiet and still the house will feel tomorrow morning after I leave everyone at school. I'm afraid of how grief might make itself known. I'm afraid of my heart feeling sad and heavy.
Brooke
I'm going to miss these babies. So much. I'm not ready for them to be growing up so fast, but who ever really is?
Brecklyn
It wasn't supposed to be this way, but sometimes life doesn't turn out the way you think it's supposed to. And for me, that makes what I have that much more precious.
Brooke and Brecklyn
So, tomorrow I will be brave. They are all so ready, and I want to be ready, too. I will be strong. I will embrace the beautiful future and new routine that lies ahead. This is a good thing, and I'm looking forward to a great year!
Brecklyn and Mrs. C
When Brianna started school, we didn't know anyone in the building. Not one single adult or child. Everything felt new and foreign. We felt out of place, and that wasn't a good feeling.
Mrs. C and Brooke
But now, we feel like we're part of a family. We've grown to love and respect many of the adults in the building, and we've connected with other families. We feel like we belong, and that's a good thing!
Brenson and Mrs. B
So tonight, my heart is a bit eased knowing that {for now} this is where we belong. This is what is good for my babies.
Brianna with Ms. B
Tomorrow begins a new chapter for our family - one that is simultaneously exhilarating and heartbreaking. For the past nine years, I've been a stay-at-home mom who's had at least part of my kids with me all the time. A big piece of me wants to hang on to that chapter with all my might, while another piece is ready for new adventures and a new normal. Tonight, I'm feeling allllll the feels, but gratitude for the journey ahead and the journey behind is at the top of the list.
No comments:
Post a Comment