When school let out for spring break back in March, it never crossed my mind that my kids wouldn't return to the building in one week as scheduled. When it was announced that spring break was being extended an additional two weeks, I still didn't think that there was a possibility they wouldn't return at all that school year. Then, it was announced that all public schools in the state were, in fact, closed for the remainder of the school year, and I found myself being hopeful that things would be back to normal by the time school started again in August.
I didn't consider that things wouldn't be back to normal or even close to it.
I didn't consider that my kids wouldn't go back to our beloved elementary school.
I didn't consider that we would begin homeschooling a whole year earlier than we had planned.
But that is exactly what we are doing. We have withdrawn our kids' enrollment from public school, and we are now officially a "homeschool" family.
To say I have mixed emotions about this major change is an understatement. Homeschooling has always been on my radar, and I had a plan. I wanted our children to go to our local elementary school (that we support, like, and have had a great experience with) through fifth grade. After fifth grade, we would pull them out of public school and begin homeschooling. Then, sometime around maybe 10th or 11th grade, we would put them back in public school. I have always said that our plan is flexible . . . if something were to happen that would cause us to need to pull our kids out of public schools sooner, we would do that. I always said our plan was flexible, but I never thought it would have to be.
This coming school year was going to be my year to do all the things. All four of our kids were to be in school all day long. I was going to increase my volunteer time. I had projects planned that I wanted to complete. I was going to pour myself into homeschool research and be totally prepared to bring Brianna home next year. I was going to keep myself very busy to try and ward off the sadness that I knew I would feel when all my kids were gone all day long.
A little over a month ago, I was talking with our soon-to-be neighbor who is building next door to us. She asked me if I was going to send my kids to public school in the fall, and I quickly answered, "Yes" without any hesitation. I truly thought that's what we'd be doing.
But, things changed.
It started with the "Return to Learn" plan released by our school district around the middle of July. There were several things in the plan that didn't settle well with me, but it was too vague to really tell what was actually going on. Then, more information was released, and Chris and I both struggled with some of the new policies. There would be increased time on electronic devices, with a minimum of one distance learning day built into each week. The kids would be in "pods" at school and not permitted to socialize with anyone outside their pod. Masks would be required at all times while indoors. All extra-curricular activities would be canceled for the year, including running club, chorus, and all field trips. Weeks or even months of quarantine were not only possible, but likely. Social distancing would be practiced whenever possible. There would be no more Rise and Shine morning program, and *the real kicker for me* NO visitors would be permitted in the building. That meant no volunteering in classrooms, no eating lunch with my kiddos, and no spontaneously popping in to observe things with my own eyes (like at Rise and Shine).
As I absorbed more and more information regarding what the school year would likely look like, I felt stronger and stronger that I didn't want to send my kids into that environment. I hated the thought of distance learning. I didn't understand why all extra-curriculars had to be taken away. Knowing that my kids could yo-yo between being in school and being quarantined made my head spin. And not being allowed in the building where all my kids are? That was NOT okay with me at all. It all made my stomach hurt when I thought about it.
From early on, Chris was pretty adamant that we weren't going to send our kids back to our elementary school, but it took me a lot longer to come around. I love our school community and the thought of walking away from that broke my heart. There was also the whole issue of homeschooling. Can I do it? Do I have time to get prepared? I was planning to bring them home one at a time, not all at once. I don't know anything about homeschooling. How am I going to do this? THIS WAS NOT MY PLAN!!!
So, in addition to spending a lot of time in prayer about everything, I started reading and researching. I talked to several trusted friends who homeschool - some of them for hours - trying to gather all the information I could. I looked at curriculum, I watched videos, and I made lists. I realized that maybe this was doable after all, and I even started to get excited about it.
As days passed, I became more settled with the prospect of homeschooling starting *almost* immediately. I even spoke with several other families from our elementary school who felt the same way we did about all the new policies . . . who had decided they weren't sending their kids back either . . . and realized that the community I felt devastated to walk away from was already broken into many pieces. Brianna and Brenson's closest friends from school weren't returning either, and in a strange way that brought me a lot of comfort.
Chris and I made the final decision to homeschool at the end of the last week in July. We included the children in many of our discussions, and even asked them what they wanted to do (also making it clear that it wasn't their decision). They are all very excited about the prospect of homeschooling, and their enthusiasm has brought much comfort to my heart. After much agonizing, many sleepless nights, long discussions, constant prayer, and even tears, we are finally starting to feel some peace about our decision. A week ago today, I submitted the enrollment withdraw paperwork to the district and opened up a whole new chapter in our lives.
This is what I posted on social media later that day:
That truly sums up the crazy, mixed bag of emotions I am feeling. There was a pretty big response to our announcement, including many comments from our school community. The sentiments were heartfelt and touching as many people expressed how much we'd be missed. Even though we're choosing to walk away from that community for now, it's nice to know that we've had a small impact in that place.
We're not sure how permanent our decision to homeschool is, but we are looking toward the future with hope and excitement. Even though this isn't what I had planned for my year, I can't think of a better way to spend my days than learning and growing with my babies. This decision has been deeply difficult, but homeschooling is a good option for us. And for that, I am grateful.
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