This whole pandemic mess has been hard on many of us, but I think it has hit the elderly community the hardest. And I'm not necessarily talking about the actual virus. Nursing homes, care facilities, assisted living centers, rehab centers, and even hospitals severely limited or completely did away with visitors when the pandemic hit the US. Some elderly people went months and months with no physical contact from any of their loved ones (some places allowed visitors to wave at their residents through the window 😠), and I just can't see how anyone could think these policies are good for people or keeping people safe.
At the assisted living center where my Granny Tiger lives, they did not allow visitors at all. If Granny left the property, she had to quarantine in her apartment for TWO weeks. During the last 14 months, I can't tell you how many times Granny was quarantined in her apartment for weeks at a time. Sometimes, it was because she left the property to go to the doctor or hospital. Sometimes, it was because she left the property to be with family (like for my cousin's wedding). Other times, it was because an employee of the facility tested positive for the virus, and she had been exposed. I can't even imagine spending weeks in isolation from everyone. It has affected her mentally (how could it not?), and my heart has hurt for her so much.
When Mom found out that the facility was allowing visitors again, we quickly planned a trip. However, there were lots of hoops to jump through. We had to schedule a time, answer several questionnaires, agree to wear masks, etc. We were told that we could sit outside with her (as long as we were six feet apart) and stay as long as we'd like.
Mom and I both checked the weather in the days leading up to our visit, and the forecast was for the skies to be clear and the weather warmish. On the day we had planned to go, we left home about 7am and headed toward Wichita. The radar looked clear, but about an hour into the trip it began to rain. Granny called mom at least four times to make sure we were still planning to come :-). We were hopeful that the weather would clear up by the time we got there.
Sadly, the weather did not clear up, and so began a whole string of crazy events that ended up complicating our visit and cutting it short :-(.
When we first arrived at Larksfield (where Granny lives), we all checked in with no problems. We were taken by a kind nurse back to the tea room, which is mostly private. They had set up a lovely table for us, complete with sparkling grape juice in flutes and candy for the kids. The nurse even said she'd turn her back so we could hug Granny because that's what Granny needed! It seemed like things were going to work out well, despite not being outdoors like we had planned.
Granny had packed up several boxes of stuff for us to take home, so after a few minutes Mom and I went with her to her room to retrieve the boxes. The kids stayed in the tea room. I loaded the boxes in the van, then went to Pizza Hut down the street to get lunch for us. I even stopped at the desk on my way out to make sure I knew the procedure to get back in, and everyone was very friendly. They kept saying how happy they were that we were there to visit Granny.
However, while I was gone, things changed. The director's director "dropped in" to check on the facility, and basically had a fit about us eating indoors with Granny in a "small" room. I had no idea that anything had changed, so upon my arrival back at Larksfield I began following the re-entry procedure I was given when I left 20 minutes before. I was immediately stopped by the director's director (dd) before I could even get in the door. She informed me that we would be eating in a larger room (so we could be socially distanced), that our visit would be a maximum of two hours long, and that masks were to be worn at all times, including in between bites of food. She also had a cart with my kids' backpacks, mom's purse, jackets, etc on it. She said, "I got your things from the tea room. Is there anything else that is yours down there?" I replied, "Ummm, yes, my kids and my mother!" I was nervous that she wasn't going to let me back in the building, and I hated that I didn't know where my kids and mom were. I just kept thinking, "What in the world happened while I was gone?!?" The whole atmosphere of the place had changed dramatically.
After I was lead into a larger meeting room and instructed to make up plates of food, Granny, Mom, and the children were brought in. You can see in the photo below how they made us sit to eat. We were instructed we were not to cross the center line (then, in the same breath, I was told to serve Granny her food . . . ridiculous). Mom had no idea what was going on either, and we were all pretty stunned. The worst part was that Granny cannot hear or see well at all. This set up made it pretty much impossible to visit with her because she couldn't hear us while she was eating.
Several of the nurses who had helped us prior to the dd coming on the scene popped in quickly to check on us. We were able to put the pieces of what had happened together, and they were all very apologetic and kind, though didn't say much about the situation. After we all ate, I cleaned up the tables the best I could, then Brianna played the piano for us a little bit.
Brenson also played the guitar for us. One of the employees of the center was wearing this guitar and I asked her if she had any others. She promptly allowed Bren to play hers so Granny could hear him. Of course, he had to sit far away from her in the corner :-(.
Because of the distance and masks, Mom and Granny were having a very hard time visiting. Any type of background noise made it even more difficult, so I decided to take the kids outdoors to give Mom and Granny some time. It was chilly and windy, but the rain had stopped. We had brought the kids' scooters, and they enjoyed riding those for a while! And yes, we were asked to keep our masks on, even while outdoors. Sigh.
Brecklyn, Brooke, and Brenson
By the time we came back inside, our allotted time was up. I was kind of fuming inside because what we were told and what had happened were starkly different. While no one was in the room with us, I quickly had the kids hug Granny and stand with her to take a photo. This was not permitted, but how could we leave her without giving her a hug?!? That would be absurd to me!
I also had Brianna snap some quick photos of mom and me with Granny.
These aren't my favorite photos of myself (I feel like I can see how mad I was), but I'm thankful to have them anyhow.
Mom and I also slipped in a quick hug before the dd came in to tell us to go. I just keep thinking how insane it is that we had to sneak to hug our loved one, and somehow someone somewhere thinks this is the healthy option for her! I don't want her to catch the virus, but even more I do not want to her to die of emotional starvation. Just looking at the photo of her sitting alone at that table across from us while we were all trying to eat makes my heart ache. I hope that someday we will wake up and realize just how crazy this all is.
Our drive home was okay, although pretty somber. We certainly don't regret going to see her as it's been well over a year since Mom had seen her and pushing two for me. We just wish it would have worked out differently.
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